Fantastic! I can totally relate to the way parenthood hobbles those of us who need a little extra breathing room (I'm a sagittarius, don't anchor me!), yes, even when it's our heart's work to mother our kids.
I always do values work with my coaching clients - health coaching or divorce - it helps shed light on how you move through a challenge or implement change.
Also - "I am not used to this water" - freakin' brilliant! Really beautiful writing!
Thank you, Kathleen! It makes my heart happy to have you reading my words. Don't anchor me is a great way to think of it. I haven't really done values work, but I'm excited to see where it takes me.
Holly! Loved this one. So many things resonated with me. Independence for sure. It is something I forgot I valued for a long time. The conflict between self and family can be agonizing, especially when you want two things at once. I have two short years left with my youngest at home, which seems cruel. At the same time, I am starting to remember the me who was not a mom. I actually loved parenting. It was my primary job for 21 years. I think I was decent at it. Being in a place of dual identity is odd, indeed.
Yessss, I love a value search exercise. I’m big on knowing and living by my values but it’s all become abstract and I can only name like 3. But, like you, autonomy is one of my biggies I never forget; things go to custard any time it erodes. So, I’m grateful for your reframe/juxtaposition of that need against the reality of parenting, as I move towards parent life myself. Makes me wonder, what’s the version of parent life that still allows for some autonomy/independence, even if it can’t meet the whole need? lovely, so much to chew on. Happy park bench value hunting.
Thanks Katie! "Things go to custard" is the perfect way of expressing what happens when our need for autonomy isn't met! The only thing I can suggest for having some measure of independence while parenting is systemic support. Big chunks of time that are on the calendar that someone somewhere is going to give you. The whole hour-or-two-once-in-a-while thing just doesn't do it. The only solution I could find was reducing my work hours so I could have a half day to myself every week. Not enough, but something.
Yesss, I love that you have managed that carve out. My parents have said that the way they feel they can support me best is to ensure I have regular, predictable, alone time (via a weekly grandparent time with the (currently hypothetical) child), so I foresee a similar thing for myself. May you get to expand that time as your kids grow up!
Great links! apparently my money style is 'certainty' (which ironically is what a psychologist told my parents after they assessed us at school, before my mum replied with 'of course she's quite fond of the idea of having a roof over her head and three meals a day!).
Fantastic! I can totally relate to the way parenthood hobbles those of us who need a little extra breathing room (I'm a sagittarius, don't anchor me!), yes, even when it's our heart's work to mother our kids.
I always do values work with my coaching clients - health coaching or divorce - it helps shed light on how you move through a challenge or implement change.
Also - "I am not used to this water" - freakin' brilliant! Really beautiful writing!
Thank you, Kathleen! It makes my heart happy to have you reading my words. Don't anchor me is a great way to think of it. I haven't really done values work, but I'm excited to see where it takes me.
Holly! Loved this one. So many things resonated with me. Independence for sure. It is something I forgot I valued for a long time. The conflict between self and family can be agonizing, especially when you want two things at once. I have two short years left with my youngest at home, which seems cruel. At the same time, I am starting to remember the me who was not a mom. I actually loved parenting. It was my primary job for 21 years. I think I was decent at it. Being in a place of dual identity is odd, indeed.
Thanks Ingrid! Forgetting what we value - seems like that would be harder to do, right? I bet you are awesome at parenting.
Yessss, I love a value search exercise. I’m big on knowing and living by my values but it’s all become abstract and I can only name like 3. But, like you, autonomy is one of my biggies I never forget; things go to custard any time it erodes. So, I’m grateful for your reframe/juxtaposition of that need against the reality of parenting, as I move towards parent life myself. Makes me wonder, what’s the version of parent life that still allows for some autonomy/independence, even if it can’t meet the whole need? lovely, so much to chew on. Happy park bench value hunting.
Thanks Katie! "Things go to custard" is the perfect way of expressing what happens when our need for autonomy isn't met! The only thing I can suggest for having some measure of independence while parenting is systemic support. Big chunks of time that are on the calendar that someone somewhere is going to give you. The whole hour-or-two-once-in-a-while thing just doesn't do it. The only solution I could find was reducing my work hours so I could have a half day to myself every week. Not enough, but something.
Yesss, I love that you have managed that carve out. My parents have said that the way they feel they can support me best is to ensure I have regular, predictable, alone time (via a weekly grandparent time with the (currently hypothetical) child), so I foresee a similar thing for myself. May you get to expand that time as your kids grow up!
Great links! apparently my money style is 'certainty' (which ironically is what a psychologist told my parents after they assessed us at school, before my mum replied with 'of course she's quite fond of the idea of having a roof over her head and three meals a day!).
That's a good point that we can probably understand what's important to us by looking back at our younger selves!